A day...

Let's have a chat, shall we?

New ground rules.

You may not take me to the groomers to get a bath on Monday followed by a haircut Tuesday AND getting my teeth cleaned.

One trauma per day please.

Are we clear??

Conversations

She got mad at me for not listening this morning.  She grabbed my face and spoke in that spooky quiet voice that means “I’m very angry and trying hard to control myself right now.”  She got mad and I didn’t even realize that there was a problem.  It wasn’t that I wasn’t listening to her yell “Come, Gracie, Come right now!” it was just that it was background noise.  I couldn’t really hear her over the siren call of the French fries lying in the grass combined with the thrill of approaching dogs to go greet.  So I wasn’t trying to be bad or ignore her.  Her message just didn’t get through. 

That’s the thing with this whole talking bit.  I have to be a) paying attention, b) know what the words mean, and c) able to understand her, and d) willing to engage in the conversation.  That’s a lot of requirements to be fulfilled all of the time.  She just assumes that her voice is the only one I’m paying attention to.  What she doesn’t realize is that there’s the lull of the wind, the noise of traffic, the swish of other dog tails wagging, and the screams of cat food lying in the grass all competing for my attention.  I know that she carries treats for me, but frankly, given the choice between carrot slices and French fries…I mean come on, I’m not an idiot!

It’s it the same with you humans? Don’t you have lots of voices swirling around those big heads of yours? Don’t you have nagging thoughts of to-do lists, ponderings about events earlier in the day, anxieties about things to come mixed with the chatter of your friends? Isn’t it sometimes hard to focus on what the person in front of you is saying? No one is getting your hearing checked or assuming you’re misbehaving when you zone out.  Or is it only me that happens to?

Wait…what was I saying?

Sorry, I got lost in the scent of my stuffed toy for a second and distracted by the bird outside…were we having a conversation?

Are you talking again?

Like I’ve said before, I have limited resources.  Licks to give kisses, tail wags to convey happiness, entire body wriggles to impact absolute joy, jaws with which to grab my treats along the way, as well as to fetch my plethora of stuffed animals.  I bark rarely and randomly, usually at men in hats and things with wheels.  That’s pretty much all I’ve got.  So most of my communication and understanding of the world comes from the pauses in the day, the gaps in the conversation, the shadows in your eyes.  I’m not stupid.  I can see when you tall ones are upset.  I know what that salty eye rain means.  I understand coughing and sneezing means no long walks and furrowed brows signal annoyance (occasionally at me for not listening but that’s for another day).

It’s funny.  For all of you tall people’s chatter, it seems like the bulk of what you have to say doesn’t have a sound.  I don’t even understand English and yet, I get the message within the silence.  It’s usually a whole lot simpler than you make it sound with your fancy words and analyzing sessions.  You’re sad.  You’re angry. You’re lonely.  You’re hurt.  You’re disappointed. You’re anxious.  You’re thrilled.  See how easy that was. But no. You spend hours explaining and side-stepping, talking around the issue, under the issue, and between it’s edges.  You discuss the same point from every possible angle, with new adjectives, less emotion, more emotion, no emphasis, irony, sarcasm, and back again all in this desperate need to be understood.

Don’t you get it? I understand you without all of the words just as you understand when I’m mopey and pouting, glaring out of anger, or exuberantly happy to see you again after the three minutes you were gone to do switch the laundry.

I know, communication is a tough one.  You don’t know what you want, how you feel, what you need. Or you know and you’re scared to say it.  Or you don’t say what you mean but rather what you think she wants you to say.  Or you don’t say what you feel out of fear of hurting someone’s feelings.  Or you say one thing and mean another.  It’s a very confusing world you people live in. 

So I get it.  Communication is something we’ll keep working on.

Next week’s topic: Eggshells are for cracking not walking on.

Just so we're clear...

When I say we have a communication breakdown what I mean is that she needs to come over to my way of interpreting. We're at the park and we're sticking with my definition!! Come = sometime in the next ten minutes... Just so we're clear.

Oh, and "LEAVE IT RIGHT NOW" means wolf down the chocolate cake and then trot over and lick your face

Big trouble

I was in trouble yesterday.  BIG trouble.  The kind where I know my mom wants to shake me silly but instead gives me a time out and glares at me.  Well I can glare right back Missy, and you just foiled me attempt that snatching that ice cream sandwich.  It seems that when she yells, “Come”, we have a communication breakdown.  

I heard my name, glanced over at her, acknowledging her existence, and then went about my merry way.  I vaguely remember some background dim of “Come” but I was busy.  When I’m busy, I turn my cell phone off! Status update: Not available…hunting for food. Straight to voice mail!

Hence I didn’t get the memo detailing the definitions of “Come”, namely "Come right now, do not pass go, do not collect $200." 

Ok, that makes sense…but we were talking about an ice cream sandwich.  Where’s the compromise? Where’s the love? I propose “Just a sec” as an alternate command.  Yes, I hear you, and I fully intend on returning to you just as soon as I’ve wolfed down this morsel of food I’ve managed to find.  No? Not so much? Hum…we’re at a standstill.

Needless to say, yesterday I didn’t even come in a sec because once I know I’m in trouble, what’s the rush? Not my wisest move.  There were harsh words and forced sits and long time-outs.  But as soon as we’re done, I’m over it and she feels horrible, whispering apologies and giving me tiny treats and lots of hugs.  Thinking she might not be quite ready for one of those small humans I see around. 

The part that’s different between us is that I’ve already forgotten the incident and am moving towards my next target.  She’s still stuck in the past, beating herself up for getting mad.  And I’m the one that did something wrong! Does anyone else see a problem here?

Like I said, it’s a communication thing, which I notice being a problem for a lot of you humans.  Someone hears a comment with a slant that was unintended, or gets their feelings hurt over a perceived slight that the other party neither meant nor has any clue that something’s wrong.  Then the resentment starts and the eggshell walking begins and no good comes from that.  At that point we all just need to lie down before we hurt ourselves!

 I just need her to spell it out for me.  I’m not a mind reader, so her “Right now!!” probably means something other than how I take it – “Mosey on over here at your leisure.”