Lost! Please return to Israel. Large Reward

So some two-legged folks are all in a tizzy over some billboard ads that have now been taken down.  From what I can gather as I scrounge under the picnic tables in a hunt for food, the Israelis launched an ad campaign targeted at Israelis living in America to convince them to move back home.  And this seems to have pissed off some tall Jewish Americans. 

Were their feelings hurt that the Israelis didn’t want them? That I could understand.  When I was in the shelter, there would be all of these nice looking families that would come and walk right by my cage to go and ooh and aah over the wriggly puppies.  Fine. Just because I was almost five doesn’t mean I’m not cute and adorable.  I guess my old home wasn’t as attached to me as the Israelis seem to be about their former citizens because I was just abandoned…no signs, no ad campaign, nothing. 

So maybe the American Jews were hurt that the Israelis didn’t take them home from the shelter.  Or maybe they felt slighted that the Israelis were saying their home wasn’t as good as the homes in Israel.  Really? Are we all in kindergarten? It reeks of “my dad can beat up your dad” mentality.  But the American Jews have a forever home already, so I’m not really clear on what the problem was.  The Israelis that seem to have gotten lost were the ones that the ads were for.  Kind of like those “Lost Puppy.  Large reward if found” posters that always make my mom cry.  I would think that they would be thrilled to know that their parents were searching for them all the way across the world.  That’s a far way to wander away from home.  No wonder the Israelis needed large billboards!

So I’m not sure what the big deal was.  If I got lost, I would hope my mom would put up billboards to look for me, and I wouldn’t care if the other puppies were mad that she didn’t want them.  She’s my mom and it’s my home. 

Everybody deserves a forever home, and if you wander too far away, sometimes you need a big reminder which direction to travel. 

Lost: one Bubby Ida. Large Reward

Turns out the enemy suitcase wasn’t the true enemy.  The real foe was this little yellow pill that she tried to trick me into eating by camouflaging it amid string cheese and which I fell for because, I mean hello…cheese! But if there was an airplane, I have neither memory of it, nor pretty much the rest of the travel day because she drugged me! Sure I wasn’t scared on the plane, but come on – slipping me a tranquilizer just doesn’t seem fair.  Then again, I did get to accompany the enemy suitcase on our trip, so I guess I can’t complain too much. 

So we went to go visit bubby and Zaidy at my old stomping grounds.  As soon as I pranced through the door, I realized, hey, I remember these smells! I have a backyard here and a doggy door (though I prefer for them to cater to me by opening the door and coming outside with me so I play dumb for that one). But yippee, I’m back! Hello Arizona! Plus, bubby and Zaidy had my back, pressuring mom to give me more food and at least more treats, so they fit the spoiling grandparents role just fine.  And turned out that the enemy suitcase had treats and a toy for me, so we’ve now made our peace…for now. 

But after just two days we had to go to that strange building with the huge flying birds again, and what do you know, another piece of string cheese, which I fell for again! My short-term memory apparently needs some work because next thing I know, it’s Monday and we’ve been home a whole day. 

Still, there’s something missing today.  My bubby and Zaidy are still in Arizona and my mommy’s bubby and Zaidy don’t seem to be anywhere we can go to visit. I can’t quite figure out where they live, but today she seems so sad, lighting this long-burning candle and staring at pictures of her bubby Ida with that salty drink she sometimes makes from her eyes.  I don’t get it.  

It seems so unfair that I got to visit my bubby and she doesn’t get to visit hers.  There’s something wrong with this picture and I see my mommy searching her gardenia plant for the possibility of a flower and flipping through pictures of the two of them hugging, always hugging so tight.  Where is that great-grandmother of mine who used to laugh so easily, hug so tightly, flow with wisdom, and make my mommy feel so special? There’s no bubby Ida book club anymore or communal crossword puzzles.  No games of gin rummy or Friday night sleepovers.  

Without bubby Ida, we’re missing our matriarch, the one whose mere presence completes the family picture, but whose hand is the one my mom always sought.  I’m not sure where bubby Ida is hiding, but wherever she has been for the past three years, I think it’s time for her to come back.

In the meantime, we’re both missing our bubbies and zaidies today.  I’m not sure if the missing part ever ends…

The enemy box

Just so you know, I see that suitcase there.  I see it and I’m not happy about it.  I know what that empty box means.  I’ve soused it out. I’m no spring chicken.  I’ve been around the airport terminal a time or two.  I know what happens when you promise you’ll be right back as you lug that wheeled box behind you.  Liar! Liar! You’re not right back! You’re back eventually, days later, all smiley and missing me and what do you bring me?  Nothing! Just hugs and kisses and lots of snuggles.  Well let me tell you missy that just isn’t going to cut it this time.  I’m putting my paw done. 

I tried peeing on your backpack once, but that didn’t stop you from trotting off to Canada.  I’ve moped, sulked, given you puppy eyes, and attempted to hide inside the enemy box, all with no success.  Well I just want you to know I’m on to you.  You think you can leave the suitcase out for a week in a kind of reverse psychology and then I won’t be as upset when you board that strange bird that flies you away? No! give me a little credit here.  I’m a smart puppy and this time I’m gonna outsmart you…

I haven’t necessarily figured out how but just know I’m working on it so don’t get any ideas about “being right back”….

What? What’s that you say? Ooohh, I’m coming with you??

Never mind…

(a la gilda radner)